The Homestuck Character Support Group
by ASBusinessMagnet
Summary: What do the characters of Calliope's Update Girl do when they're not reading Homestuck? They comfort each other after Hussie's developments, of course! A tie-in to Calliope's Update Girl, this story will feature Homestuck characters and self-inserts of my readers alike, and won't have a defined plot. It's mostly there to develop Calliope's Update Girl into a shared universe.
1. Character Sheet for Self-Inserts

**Initial note and guideline:**

As you might have noticed, my story Calliope's Update Girl has gotten quite popular over the months. In addition, you might have noticed that I've been writing self-inserts of my various fans into the earlier "stages", to give the Homestuck fandom, prominently featured in the story, more dimension, so its members aren't nameless generic fans of Homestuck. However, these were mostly my older fans (for example, scatteredPhilosopher has been a fan of mine ever since the days of Calliope and the Final Update), and the newer fans might feel left out. As well as that, reader-insert fanfics were, as of recently, one of my favorites, but I found that they always needed to assume something that won't be true for all readers, and wanted a story that would actually have my readers, even though they were particular examples and not general images.

To help both of these issues, and also to give Calliope's Update Girl a better feel so it isn't bound to the Homestuck characters reading Homestuck, I've decided to start this story, in which the Homestuck characters that are not presently reading Homestuck will be hanging out, and in which I might act out your romantic fantasies with your favorite character. Perhaps the romantic fantasies will end up being a part of Calliope's Update Girl?* Who knows, really.

Note that **only down-to-earth self-inserts are allowed.** No fictionalization is allowed (that means no trolls, no people with extraordinary backgrounds like Jade, and no people who wouldn't fit in the real world). That said, "unique snowflake" Tumblr folk will most likely be accepted. If I have an issue with your self-insert, I'll be sure to note it to you personally, and we'll see if we can work the issue out.

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><p><strong>Backstory for everyone:<strong>

ASBusinessMagnet is the author of a fanfic called Calliope on the Update Gravestone. (Named after an early Lithuanian translation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the name of which literally translates to "Charlie in the Chocolate Heaven") Despite the similar names, though, it should not be mistaken for Calliope's Update Girl; one could tell by the first sentences. That story now takes place in an alternate version of the Homestuck fandom that never got as popular as ours, seeing as Ryan North never found Andrew Hussie in that universe. Therefore, even outside details of Calliope on the Update Gravestone won't be familiar to us; for example, a story named The Homestuck Character Support Group still exists, but only focuses on the canon characters, not allowing self-inserts.

The fanfic in question has already attained a mini-fandom, of which all the members hang out on a Pesterchum memo, named "#homestuck_character_support_group" after the memo in Calliope on the Update Gravestone. They have already become somewhat close friends, and therefore ASBusinessMagnet has been keeping up the fanfic for them. What they do not know, though, is that in the background, several Homestuck characters in their real life are actually considering the idea of the Homestuck Character Support Group, and the two groups are about to clash in a single place...

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><p>Without further ado, here is the<p>

**Submission form: **(be sure to delete the stuff in parentheses before filling it out)

**Username: **(enter at least one; mark a dash if you don't have the other one. Fans without an account on either site will not be accepted)  
><strong>* FanFiction. Net:<br>* Archive of Our Own:  
>Chumhandle: <strong>(this is what you'll be known as in the story; if your username on either site is already in the form of a chumhandle, this will be automatically filled in)  
><strong>Color: <strong>(hex code preferred, but a simple named color will suffice)  
><strong>Appearance on chatlogs: <strong>(typing manner + personality; you might give examples of your chatlogs to help the cause)  
><strong>Birthdate: <strong>(so I can derive your age at various scenes. As a PSA, the Earth-residing Homestuck characters were born on either December 1995 or April 1996, and the trolls are of similar age)  
><strong>Preferred pronouns: <strong>(so the gender issue is simplified)  
><strong>Location: <strong>(down to the city or a lesser-known country; note that non-US/Canada residents will _only_ interact with the characters/other self-inserts via the group memo and/or private chatlogs)  
><strong>Hobbies: <strong>(what you can be expected to do in your free time; in case I want to write a scene from your perspective)  
><strong>Additional notes (if any): <strong>(anything goes, as long as it's nothing offensive)

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><p><strong>Accepted characters: <strong>(you can also use these as examples)

**Username:  
>* FanFiction. Net: <strong>ASBusinessMagnet  
><strong>* Archive of Our Own: <strong>ASBusinessMagnet  
><strong>Chumhandle: <strong>aperturescienceBusinessmagnet**  
>Color: <strong>#4040FF (64, 64, 255)**  
>Appearance on chatlogs: <strong>Types with perfect spelling and grammar, except when he omits periods  
>Usually down-to-business and almost never shows emotion, but is prone to derails of the conversation nevertheless<br>Almost never uses smileys, therefore, when he does, it immediately appears to be more suspicious**  
>Birthdate: <strong>April 30, 1996  
><strong>Preferred pronouns: <strong>he/him/his  
><strong>Location: <strong>Lithuania  
><strong>Hobbies: <strong>has seen a lot of the Internet on his wing, therefore his interests may not entirely be compatible with each other. Those include learning languages (in particular on Duolingo), writing fanfics (sometimes even trollfics), translation (in particular of Homestuck), making Hitler parodies (in the past, and it will usually not come up in conversation), and very occasionally visual arts and music. As such, he is quite busy on the Internet, and jokes about having "no less than 5 current projects at all times".  
><strong>Additional notes (if any): <strong>Oh, come on. Did you really think I would not include my own self-insert in this?  
><strong>Additional notes x2 COMBO! ! !: <strong>For the purposes of this story, I did _not_ author Calliope's Update Girl or The Homestuck Character Support Group in this universe. It would just get too meta if I did, and we already have a meta as fuck character in the fanfic (Andrew Hussie). For what replaces Calliope's Update Girl in this universe, see the backstory.  
><strong>Additional notes x3 COMBO! ! !: <strong>You might have read about my coming out as a trans girl on January 13, 2015. Despite this, my character here is going to remain male, and I quote, "simply because I don't retroactively change fics to reflect people coming out as trans."

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><p><strong>Username:<br>* FanFiction. Net: **scatteredPhilosopher  
><strong>* Archive of Our Own: <strong>-  
><strong>Chumhandle: <strong>scatteredPhilosopher  
><strong>Color: <strong>#85FF75 (133, 255, 117)  
><strong>Appearance on chatlogs: <strong>Generally proper grammar and punctuation, occasionally starts to not even bother with capitalization and punctuation but spelling remains correct  
><strong>Birthdate: <strong>December 5, 1999  
><strong>Preferred pronouns: <strong>she/her/hers  
><strong>Location: <strong>Richmond, Virginia, United States  
><strong>Hobbies: <strong>likes to read and write, as well as draw. Generally prefers not to venture outdoors unless she has to, but when she does, she likes to take walks. Cooks a little bit but isn't that great at it.  
><strong>Additional notes (if any): <strong>Since scatteredPhilosopher's insertion into Calliope's Update Girl precedes this form, once I wrote the form, I PMed it to her and asked her to fill it in retroactivelyand as of December 24, 2014, she _finally_ did it. Perhaps Christmas miracles do happen.

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><p><strong>Username:<br>* FanFiction. Net: **MeAndMyReflection  
><strong>* Archive of Our Own: <strong>-  
><strong>Chumhandle: <strong>unstopableSmiley  
><strong>Color: <strong>#0B188F (11, 24, 143) (specified as "dark blue")  
><strong>Appearance on chatlogs: <strong>Even though she is a non-native speaker of English, she tries her best to introduce casual speech, even though it might be mixed in with improper spelling/grammar (and often finds herself mocking improper spelling/grammar).  
>Almost always ends sentences with an exclamation mark! or an ellipsis...<br>Often mistaken for a man because of interest in typically masculine activities.  
>Typically curious, prone to mood swings and always trying to see the good side of people.<br>Sometimes changes names so they end with either "-y", "dude" or "bro", e.g. Johny, Davey, Eridan dude, Hussie dude.**  
>Birthdate: <strong>October 21, 1997  
><strong>Preferred pronouns: <strong>she/her/hers; he/him/his (when mistaken for a man)  
><strong>Location: <strong>Indonesia  
><strong>Hobbies: <strong>often associated with video games but short of money, therefore she plays free online games and watches obscure gaming YouTubers. Also interested in theories, Slenderverse series, psychology, drawing and writing.  
><strong>Additional notes (if any): <strong>She is quick to believe that the Homestuck characters are really Homestuck characters, even though usually she is half-suspicious. Originally hates Dave because of his personality, but then switches to liking him because she finds out he really does care about his friends. Praises Hussie as a god, but because of him she is afraid of horses.

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><p><strong>Username:<br>* FanFiction. Net: **Ponythekidrs**  
>* Archive of Our Own: <strong>-**  
>Chumhandle: <strong>savvyKiddo**  
>Color: <strong>#6600CC (102, 0, 204)**  
>Appearance on chatlogs<strong>**: **Uses near-perfect grammar and syntax, but will often eschew this in favor of being casual. And sometimes will add two question marks at the end of a sentence to add a questioning tone to things? Likes to use smileys or abbreviations when she can. :D  
>Usually replies to things she doesn't know how to reply to with a cheerful whoop or a dejected "oh", depending on what's more appropriate for the situation.<br>Can sometimes be unpredictable with switching topics, and apologizes too much.**  
><strong>**Birthdate: **April 17, 1997 (not an actual birthdate, but rather a lie that she tells)  
><strong>Preferred pronouns: <strong>she/her/hers**  
>Location: <strong>United States (likewise, deliberately not as detailed)**  
>Hobbies: <strong>writing, listening to music, reading way too many things... yeah. Also likes pie.  
><strong>Additional notes (if any): <strong>Pretty open to others' beliefs and accepting of weird events. Very easygoing.

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><p><strong>Username:<br>* FanFiction. Net: **davespritenotdave **  
>* Archive of Our Own: -<br>Chumhandle: **draconianNeptune**  
>Color: <strong>#FFAE1A (255, 174, 26)**  
>Appearance on chatlogs: <strong>types in lowercase because hes lazy. there are periods.**  
><strong>tends to use alot of smileys. the generic ones at least :p when there are smileys the period tends to dissapear  
>also very exited and childish because who needs growing up :p<br>misspell words alot then tries to fix them resulting in slow (somewhat) responses  
>is actually pretty good at english for a dude in a not that much english speaking country.<strong><br>****Birthdate: **February 4, 1998**  
>Preferred pronouns: <strong>he/him/his**  
>Location: <strong>The Philippines**  
>Hobbies: <strong>Mostly spends most of his time on the Internet (i.e. Tumblr), unless there is no Internet connection. In that case, he's usually drawing (on paper) or reading a book or just watching any fantasy/adventure movie.**  
>Additional notes (if any): <strong>He's usually pretty lonely because most of his friends are either from the Internet or from another part of the country. Also, he likes animals a lot and has 3 dogs. He has been called naïve more than once in his life (and he doesn't think it's going to stop anytime soon).

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><p><strong>Username:<br>* FanFiction. Net: **cryptologicalMystic**  
>* Archive of Our Own: <strong>cryptologicalMystic**  
><strong>**Chumhandle: **cryptologicalMystic**  
>Color: <strong>#7000c6 (84, 0, 198)**  
>Appearance on chatlogs: <strong>Irregularly switches back & forth between excellent grammar and txtspk, usually hitting a middle ground wherein some words are abbreviated (usually the ones that are homophones of numbers or have easily accessible symbol equivalents like &, , #, %, etc.), the rest are spelled perfectly, and near-perfect grammar is used otherwise. Will use emoji/emoticons as well.**  
><strong>**Birthdate: **sometime during 2000**  
>Preferred pronouns: <strong>she/her/hers**  
>Location: <strong>one of the southeastern states of the United States**  
>Hobbies: <strong>Tends to spend most available time on Tumblr; when she isn't, she's either reading online or working on her fanventure, which is like how Homestuck might have turned out if all the characters had opposite personalities and classpects. She's also a good artist (specifically with drawings). However, she tends to get distracted easily, which leads to procrastination.**  
>Additional notes (if any): <strong>-

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><p><strong>Username:<br>* FanFiction. Net: **Linda065cliva**  
>* Archive of Our Own: -<br>****Chumhandle: **genericTranslator**  
>Color: <strong>#6a006a (106, 0, 106) (same as Eridan Ampora)**  
>Appearance on chatlogs: <strong>usually types not using any capital letters except in names. sometimes does typos, but that's just when she's hurrying to write on her phone, which has a touch screen can barely use XD uses the XD emoticon a lot. really a lot. XD**  
><strong>**Birthdate: **August 3, 1997**  
>Preferred pronouns: <strong>she/her/hers**  
>Location: <strong>Switzerland**  
>Hobbies: <strong>draws a lot, as if it were sort of an addiction, and loves writing. She sews her own cosplays and she's often quite stressed out because she stresses myself a lot with trying to do many things at the same time. She tends to get herself really busy over lots of things and she easily get a headache. She loves hanging out with her girlfriend, who is also a Homestuck fan and they talk a lot about it.**  
>Additional notes (if any): <strong>She kind of adores Hussie for the way he writes, but she wouldn't faint if I were ever to meet him. Though, she likes all the characters without despising or liking someone more. She'd probably faint if she were ever to meet one of them in person, though.

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><p><strong>Footnotes:<strong>

* In case you were wondering; yes, this story and Calliope's Update Girl are canonical to each other. The only works that are non-canonical to these stories are those which contradict either one of the stories or the real development history of Homestuck (e.g. Calliope and the Final Update, Inception of a Masterpiece).


	2. Chronological Catalog of Chapters

**Preceding note:**

This can be seen as additional material to Calliope's Update Girl, since it's a simple list of when each chapter of that story and The Homestuck Character Support Group takes place. It also in a way helps the human literature trick that is, for our stupid librarians, known as "contextualization".

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><p><strong>The catalog:<strong>

_Unspecified, given as a backstory of one or more characters:_

· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Stage 1, Chapter 1

_Summer of 2012:_

· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Stage 1, Chapter 2

_April 10, 2016 (Sunday): _

· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Stage 1, Chapter 3

_April 11, 2016 (Monday): _

· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Stage 1, Chapter 4

_April 12, 2016 (Tuesday): _

· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Stage 1, Chapter 5

_April 13, 2016 (Wednesday): _

· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Stage 1, Chapters 6 to 14  
>· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Loading Screen 1, Chapters 29 to 41<p>

_April 14, 2016 (Thursday): _

· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Stage 2, Chapters 15 to 28  
>· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Loading Screen 1, Chapter 42<br>· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Stage 3, Chapters 43 to 49  
>· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Stage 4, Chapters 50 to 63<br>· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Stage 5, Chapters 64 to 77  
>· Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Stage 6, Chapters 78 to 91?<br>· The Homestuck Character Support Group – Chapters 1 to 3

_April 15, 2016 (Friday):_

· The Homestuck Character Support Group – Chapters 4 to ?


	3. April 14, 2016 - I

_(Continued from Calliope's Update Girl – Book One – Stage 4, Chapter 61)_

CTT: I do not understand the motives for the profanity.  
>CTG: cant even have a feelins jam with jade till aliens start buggin me<br>CEB: we're not aliens, though...  
>CGG: not you<br>CGG: someone named karkat  
>CUU: yeah, there is no place for me among hUmans...<br>CUU: bye!  
>CUU ceased responding to memo.<br>CGG: wait calliope dont go!  
>CGG: sigh<br>CEB: oh, karkat!  
>CEB: i remember that.<br>CEB: he came over, read homestuck for a while with us, then i got angry over him and the green skull kid shouting all the time.  
>CTT: Wouldn't that be Caliborn?<br>CEB: yes.  
>CEB: yes, he would.<br>CTG: told you not to deal w/ calidouche  
>CTG: but no<br>CTT: Once you learn his weak spots, he becomes pretty tolerable.  
>CTT: He doesn't stop cursing and generally acting like a petty kid, but he is at least somewhat tame.<br>CTT: And by that I mean "he doesn't want to go on a murder spree".  
>CTG: pfft<br>CTG: if he went on a murder spree hed be in jail already  
>CTG: no wait jail is for humans<br>CTG: then hed be in area 51  
>CGG: dave i understand that you get popculture very well<br>CGG: but lets think realistically  
>CGG: karkat is literally among us<br>CGG: so are calliope and caliborn  
>CEB: for the worse.<br>CTT: We still have no explanation for how they are on Earth other than "Andrew Hussie suddenly made them come to existence".  
>CTT: And, considering his penchant for explaining every mundane detail, he likely created another distracting reason, which is why they haven't been noticed up until the moment when they were recognized as Homestuck characters.<br>CTG: which was when  
>CTG: theres absolutely no dates on homestuck other than that it was started on 2009<br>CTT: I suppose that there are.  
>CTT: There are two main possibilities: either Homestuck was written in its entirety and published on the fateful day that coincides with the younger Egbert's thirteenth birthday, or it was updated sequentially.<br>CGG: and?  
>CGG: youre telling possibilities that do not mean anything to people like us who dont quite have the wits<br>CTT: That is only my role within the universe as, uh...  
>CTT: Hussie once called me a Seer of Light, but I don't know if the title has any merit.<br>CTG: cmon obviously it does  
>CTG: remember who were dealin with<br>CTG: the fuckin  
>CTG: knower of our fortune<br>CTG: writer of our adventures  
>CTG: obvs the title has merit<br>CTG: i wonder if i have a title  
>CTT: I believe he called you the Knight of Time.<br>CTG: ...  
>CTG: ok i take it back<br>CTG: hes full of bullshit  
>CTG: since when do i have anything to do w time  
>CEB: it still seems to me that you keep trying to apply the things of us in-comic to us in-real-life.<br>CTG: its called irl  
>CTG: obviously<br>CGG: dont  
>CGG: alright this is way too early to discuss such stuff<br>CTT: You are right.  
>CTT: Until further notice, I will catalogue my thoughts in a document that I will make publicly available when I have finished it.<br>CTT: In fact, I think that I will start writing it right now, as the discussion seems to be going nowhere.  
>CTT: In that case, I am afraid I'll have to deliver a parting message.<br>CEB: no, rose!  
>CEB: everything's okay.<br>CEB: we will figure everything out eventually.  
>CTT: And when do you suppose this mysterious "eventually" time will come?<br>CTG: idk  
>CTG: eventually<br>CTG: therell be a magic moment when everything will just click together and we will be able to claim  
>CTG: we understand homestuck<br>CGG: dave i think youre right  
>CGG: well just know when the time comes!<br>CEB: will be waiting in that case. ;)  
>CTT: Waiting will be no good.<br>CTT: The activity that I proposed at least will have some lasting value, as we will be able to discuss it as a more convenient means of presenting everything within Homestuck.  
>CTG: a more convenient means of presentin everything within homestuck<br>CTG: well allow me to present a revelation that will completely blow your mind  
>CTG: like repeatedly<br>CTG: until there is nothing to be blown  
>CTG: but for now ill allow your brainpan to realize that such a document<br>CTG: already exists  
>CTG: <span>http  mspaintadventures. wikia. com wiki/MS_Paint_Adventures_Wiki  
><span>CTG: bam  
>CTG: perfect resource on everything homestuck and more<br>CTT: Interesting.  
>CTT: Hang on while I read further.<br>CGG: i  
>CGG: lets just conclude that dave saved the day<br>CEB: well.  
>CEB: i suppose that everything is concluded.<br>CEB: so we simply read on ourselves and know what precisely happens to us, right?  
>CTT: Actually, no.<br>CTT: I have decided against indulging in the so-called "MS Paint Adventures Wiki" for one simple reason:  
>CTT: Knowing everything ahead of time would spoil the story.<br>CTT: And no one would like to mess the precious resource of time up.  
>CTT: Is that right, Knight of Time?<br>CTG: oh come on who cares about home alone or whatever  
>CGG: home what?<br>CTG: yes i just invoked the name of a movie thats a quarter of a century old  
>CTG: lets watch the past unfold right before our fuckin eyes<br>CTG: in before everyone leaves the town and were just hangin out in the eternal void  
>CTG: while hussies lips and beard stare into us ever so slightly<br>CEB: dave?  
>CEB: i thought i was the one dropping references to movies that no one else cares about.<br>CTT: This conversation has quickly become completely useless.  
>CTT: Just... let me organize our knowledge before it deteriorates into nothing, okay?<br>CGG: rose dont go!  
>CGG: i just realized<br>CGG: weve never talked all four like this in...  
>CGG: pretty much ever :  
>CGG: its always two sided conversations<br>CTG: thats the whole fun  
>CTG: havin to guess what the other two are thinking<br>CTG: or would be thinking if they were around  
>CTG: part of the fun<br>CTG: part of the sociology  
>CTT: I believe that the term is "socializing".<br>CTG: fuck  
>CTG: sociology is your expertise right<br>CTT: Correct.  
>CEB: sociology.<br>CEB: allow me to get it right.  
>CGG: alright even i have to agree<br>CGG: lets get on topic  
>CGG: ive used this smiley way too much lately but it deserves repeating again<br>CGG: :/


	4. April 14, 2016 - II

CTG: jade is right  
>CTG: we need this shit to progress immediately<br>CTG: quick  
>CTG: organize<br>CEB: in place!  
>CTT: I'm waiting.<br>CTT: Although, the idea of my own guide to Homestuck is still persistent.  
>CGG: ok<br>CGG: three  
>CTG: 2<br>CEB: one...  
>CTG: now<br>CTG: now is the time to have a discussion that will not derail by tangents  
>CTG: and most definitely will not be interrupted by intruders<br>CTG: alien or otherwise  
>CURRENT aperturescienceBusinessmagnet [CAB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.<br>CAB: I hope you appreciate the fact that I am up at night, again, just to message you  
>CTG: the fuck did i just say<br>CTT: Where is the ban function again?  
>CTG: i think caligood girl took it with herself to the metaphorical grave<br>CAB: Uh, I kinda can't read at the moment  
>CAB: But are these the beta kids' colors<br>CEB: beta kids?  
>CAB: Y'know, John, Rose, Dave and Jade<br>CTT: Don't panic.  
>CTT: I needed to get that out, because otherwise you just wouldn't listen to logic.<br>CTT: I am merely saying that the fact that the stranger knows our names simply means that they are a Homestuck fan.  
>CGG: yeah i figured<br>CGG: some philosopher guy or girl already messaged me today  
>CGG: before i got into this whole support group rigmarole<br>CTG: next time just block them on the spot  
>CGG: well i did<br>CEB: yeah, i sympathize.  
>CAB: Now scatteredPhilospher is talking about herself<br>CGG: hey how did you know their nickname? ?  
>CGG: are you hussie or something? ?<br>CAB: I don't think we roleplayed since, like, a year ago  
>CAB: And it certainly wasn't that involved<br>CEB: roleplayed?  
>CTG: yeah man<br>CTG: sorry to break the news to yet another person  
>CTG: but were not some dungeons &amp; dragons fans<br>CTG: were the real homestuck characters  
>CTG: john egbert rose lalonde jade harley and myself dave strider<br>CTG: and some others like carcat and calidouche  
>CAB: Yeah, and I'm AnnaSophia Robb<br>CTG: you mean carrie from carrie diaries  
>CGG: like leslie from bridge to terabithia? ?<br>CTT: The one who acted as Bethany Hamilton in Soul Surfer?  
>CEB: you mean, you were violet beauregarde from charlie and the chocolate factory?<br>CAB: I...  
>CAB: What<br>CEB: anna sophia, i never realized you were a fan of homestuck!  
>CEB: you could really bring this thing to popularity, assuming you haven't already.<br>CTG: cause this is what we need  
>CTG: egderp hittin on his favorite movie stars<br>CEB: i have a question, though...  
>CEB: was the whole blueberry inflation part really weird for you?<br>CEB: i mean, i would be hells of shocked and all if i was in your place, being the giant blueberry and all.  
>CEB: well, the pretend giant blueberry, but you understand me.<br>CAB: Alright  
>CAB: This has to stop<br>CAB: You immediately unveil yourselves for who you really are  
>CEB: what?<br>CGG: were not roleplaying... ...  
>CEB: yeah, as we said, we're really from homestuck.<br>CTT: There is nothing to unveil, as you already know that I'm Rose.  
>CEB: if that is even a thing we can be?<br>CTG: yeah annasophia you have to deal with the fact that famous meets fictional  
>CAB: That was a joke, guys<br>CAB: A joke  
>CTT: Calm down, Miss Robb.<br>CTT: Everything will be fine, as long as you're under the therapeutical custody of Rose Lalonde.  
>CTT: I understand that each character that you played as suffered hardships of her own, and some of these hardships may have been reflected onto you as an actress.<br>CAB: Oh my god  
>CAB: I'll tell you what I really am then<br>CAB: I am so  
>CAB: Done<br>CAB ceased responding to memo.  
>CEB: bye bye, anna sophia!<br>CTG: dude didnt she tell you  
>CTG: she is so done<br>CTG: first name so  
>CTG: last name done<br>CGG: it isnt that either  
>CGG: i sense that its just someone who doesnt believe that we are homestuck characters<br>CTT: I see in retrospect.  
>CTT: Though, why would anyone think of this precise memo name?<br>CTT: It seems as if our visitor was there longer than us.  
>CTT: Even though it would make no sense for a non-Homestuck character to ever visit this place.<br>CTT: I don't even know how to make sense of the scene.  
>CTG: come on think rose<br>CTG: there are fans of homestuck right  
>CTG: they like to pretend that they are us<br>CTG: hence were bein accused of being such impostors ourselves  
>CTG: obvs to facilitate this rp bs they created persterchum w memos  
>CEB: isn't it open source fandom chat or something?<br>CTG: yeah whatever  
>CTG: and our sick fuck decided that it was super fun and game to imitate our scenario<br>CTG: in which we uh  
>CTG: discover that were homestuck characters<br>CGG: way to get that headache of mine started again  
>CGG: im not even going to bother with smileys<br>CTT: Can we just discuss the real matter at hand?  
>CURRENT grimmeAuxiliary [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.<br>CGA: Excuse Me  
>CGA: I Come Here Because I Believe That Someone I Knew In My Own Past Is Around<br>CTT: And yet, more intruders.  
>CGA: It Is You<br>CGA: Rose Human Please Come With Me To The Realm Of Private Conversation  
>CTT: Huh.<br>CTT: I suppose that I will humor this intrusion, because the alternative is to discuss a person who may or may not be a star from the silver screen and not go anywhere constructive.  
>CTT: It is a goodbye to my fellow pals, then.<br>CTG: dammit rose  
>CTT ceased responding to memo.<br>CGA ceased responding to memo.  
>CTG: and who was that<br>CTG: liv tyler  
>CGG: alright this is going nowhere<br>CGG: since rose is no longer around to at least try and make sense of what happened around  
>CGG: and the intrusions made us completely forget the matter at hand<br>CGG: and theres no way of salvaging it  
>CEB: alright, then.<br>CEB: night, i suppose.  
>CGG: night!<br>CTG: ugh  
>CTG: alright then<br>CTG: peace  
>CTG ceased responding to memo.<br>CEB ceased responding to memo.  
>CGG ceased responding to memo.<p> 


	5. April 14, 2016 - III

- grimmeAuxiliary [GA] began pestering tentacleTherapist95 [TT] -

GA: Rose Human  
>GA: We Finally Meet In A Place Where We Are Cognizant Of Each Other And Able To Converse By Exchanging Brief Snippets Of Contextually Relevant Information<br>GA: An Action More Colloquially Known As Talking  
>TT: Are you suggesting that you already know of me?<br>TT: I don't see how that is possible, barring the obvious case that you read Homestuck.  
>GA: So Far I Have Not Indulged In Andrew Hussies Webcomic<br>GA: But That Is Besides The Point  
>GA: I Knew You From Earlier<br>GA: Much Earlier  
>GA: If I Had To Estimate It Was Seven Human Years Plus Some Six Hundred Hours Ago<br>GA: Possibly Even More  
>GA: My Memory Is A Bit Fuzzy<br>GA: Given The Sobriety Of Life On Earth My Memories Of Alternia Feel More Like An Especially Strange Lucid Dream  
>TT: Now I'm curious.<br>TT: Please go on, in that case.  
>GA: I Have Read A Document Written By You<br>TT: I see.  
>TT: Is it the guide to Homestuck that I was planning to write?<br>GA: The Means By Which I Know Of You Have Nothing To Do With The Webcomic  
>GA: It Is A Fact That I Am Stating So You Refrain From Asking More Stupid Questions<br>TT: I apologize, in that case.  
>GA: The Document In Question Is A Walkthrough<br>GA: It Was Labeled As Belonging To A Game Called Sburb  
>GA: But I Found It To Be Pretty Useful For A Seemingly Similar Game That We Played<br>GA: Called Sgrub  
>GA: Thus Creating Your Universe<br>TT: Let's break your statement down, just to figure out every single way in which it does not make sense.  
>TT: As far as I'm concerned, Sburb is not a real game, but rather a part of Homestuck, which you keep insistently ignoring.<br>TT: Secondly, even if such a video game did exist, I see no way in which it could create universes.  
>GA: The Collection Of Facts Remains To Be True Though<br>GA: I And My Team Of Trolls Created Your Universe  
>GA: Your Walkthrough Helped Us Achieve That Goal In Part<br>GA: You Are A Part Of Your Universe  
>GA: We Are Presently Exchanging Information In A Manner Known In Some Circles As Talking<br>GA: Some Of This Information Concerns The Document In Question  
>GA: Quod Erat Demonstrandum<br>TT: (I'm not even going to mention how you used the same convoluted way to describe talking twice in the same conversation.)  
>GA: (It Is Nothing To Worry About)<br>TT: Could you at least propose a means of proof that you are indeed the supposed gods of your purported creation?  
>TT: For example, by means of special powers?<br>GA: That Is Going To Be Difficult  
>GA: Because As Far As I Am Concerned We Did Not Receive Any Extraneous Powers To Manipulate Your Universe At Will<br>GA: Besides The Powers That Sgrub Granted The Lucky One Of Us  
>GA: Her Luck Is So Off The Charts You Wouldnt Even Believe Me If I Told You The Precise Level<br>GA: Though It Was Bound To Happen Given That She Is The Thief Of Light  
>TT: Hold on, Thief of Light?<br>GA: Yes  
>GA: Each Of Us Had A Title Granted To Us By Sgrub<br>TT: Well, each member of my own meager team appears to have a title told to us by Hussie.  
>TT: And I was simply colored suspicious, since his designation for me appears to be "Seer of Light".<br>GA: Dont Hold Me Accountable  
>GA: But I Believe That Within The Context Of Sgrub That Would Mean That You Could Foresee Every Opportunity That Could Arise From The Present Situation<br>GA: And Therefore Decide Which One Is The Most Fortuitous  
>TT: Interesting.<br>TT: Just when I thought the title was something completely irrelevant to my greater purpose.  
>GA: You Really Seem To Hold The Hussie Human On A Metaphorical Pedestal<br>TT: Well, yeah.  
>TT: I am a character of his webcomic, after all.<br>GA: I Do Not Have Enough Information On The Matter For Myself  
>GA: But There Is Some Reason To Believe That I Am One As Well<br>GA: Nevertheless The Comic Continues To Be Irrelevant To The Greater Purpose  
>TT: That's what I said.<br>GA: My Apologies  
>TT: Though, I don't know <em>why<em> you keep dismissing the comic as irrelevant.  
>TT: It is sort of responsible for my life.<br>GA: For The Last Time My Group Is Responsible For Your Life  
>TT: Actually, on second thought, there is as yet insufficient data for a meaningful distinction between the two.<br>TT: I will be keeping tabs on Homestuck and informing you of any developments that occur, should any points of interest occur in the near future.  
>TT: Until then, I just suppose that we should keep contact in some way.<br>GA: That Will Be Easy  
>GA: After All I Am Always On The Same Chumhandle<br>TT: You are?  
>GA: I Figured Out This Trick<br>GA: Whenever Someone Uses An Obscure Misspelling Of What Once Used To Be My Trolltag They Will Always Be Consistent  
>GA: Unlike The Original Forms Which Change Owners All The Time Due To Unexplained Phenomena<br>TT: Perhaps to facilitate the consistently repeating roleplaying scenario, seeing as no Homestuck fan deserves to be "the real Rose Lalonde" more than another one?  
>GA: Your Theory Actually Makes Pretty Good Sense<br>TT: It is decided, then.  
>TT: Just one last question before I collapse into the eternal void of the night, though:<br>TT: What should I call you?  
>GA: Kanaya Maryam<br>GA: I Apologize For Not Mentioning This Extraordinarily Important Detail Up Front  
>GA: Hopefully You Will Forgive Me In Future Conversations<br>TT: It'll be okay, Kanaya.  
>TT: In the meantime, keep on whatever you are doing.<br>GA: Whatever We Are Doing Is Typically Decided By Our Leader  
>GA: But As Of Lately He Has Become Especially Melodramatic<br>TT: Then it's time to elect yourselves a new leader.  
>GA: I Will Keep That In Mind<br>TT: Alright.  
>TT: In that case, good night, Kanaya.<br>GA: Good Night Rose

- grimmeAuxiliary [GA] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist95 [TT] -


	6. April 15, 2016 - I

**CURRENT unstopableSmiley [CUS] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board HOMESTUCK CHARACTER SUPPORT GROUP.**

CUS: Anyone?  
>CURRENT draconianNeptune [CDN] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.<br>CDN: sup.  
>CUS: You again?<br>CDN: idek what to even think though  
>CDN: i mean literally we run into each other all the time.<br>CUS: That many is true...  
>CDN: dont help that phillipines and indonesia are literally next to others when everythings considered.<br>CUS: But when you think about it...  
>CUS: It's partly ASBM fault too!<br>CUS: He always wakes up and goes to sleep to talk to Americans...  
>CUS: and now he is sleeping, again!<br>CDN: haha yeah  
>CDN: so anything on your mind?<br>CUS: Not in particularly!  
>CUS: At least not after 413 and the festivity that was putted up.  
>CDN: oh man that was great i have to agree<br>CDN: especially the whole part where he played hs songs to us live  
>CDN: and lets not mention that i fell asleep with a smile on my face.<br>CDN: but then the sobering relaization comes that we have to go on with our lives.  
>CUS: Well, yes!<br>CUS: And then we just sort of didn't go on yesterday.  
>CUS: In that case...<br>CUS: How of you been done since then?  
>CDN: didnt quite catch that<br>CDN: could you repeat but in diferent words?  
>CUS: What were your events?<br>CDN: better.  
>CDN: well<br>CDN: cant quite say I was in any events per se  
>CDN: just living life thats it<br>CUS: Disappointment...  
>CUS: Then, we'll have to make our own events!<br>CDN: yeah  
>CDN: in all the terrible english glory<br>CUS: That!  
>CURRENT gallicksCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.<br>CGC: 1 W4S TOLD TH4T TH1S 1S WH3R3 HOM3STUCK CH4R4CT3RS H4NG OUT 4FT3R TH3Y R34D TH3 TH1NG  
>CDN: the actual fuck?<br>CGC: S4YS R1GHT 1N TH3 T1TL3  
>CGC: HOM3STUCK CH4R4CT3R SUPPORT GROUP<br>CGC: K4RK4T TOLD M3  
>CUS: Wait, so you're actually Terezi?<br>CGC: DUH  
>CDN: ok its awesome and all that youre a hs character<br>CDN: but the implication is that youre actually in a calliope on the update gravestone situation.  
>CDN: cause this is the memo created *for* it.<br>CGC: C4LL1OP3 ON TH3 UPD4T3 GR4V3STON3 :?  
>CUS: It's pretty much the ASBM story...<br>CUS: where the Homestuck characters find, read and discuss Homestuck!  
>CDN: and might i add that it got pretty far<br>CGC: STORY  
>CGC: OH COM3 ON 1TS SO OBV1OUS TH4T YOUR3 NOT HOM3STUCK CH4R4CT3RS<br>CDN: um yeah?  
>CGC: WH3R3 4R3 TH3 R34L ON3S 4T<br>CGC: JOHN  
>CGC: ROS3<br>CGC: C4L1BORN  
>CDN: one of these is not like the others.<br>CUS: Have not seen someone like them around!  
>CGC: HUH<br>CGC: D1DNT QU1T3 C4TCH TH4T  
>CDN: caliborn is basically a huge dbag and ive no idea why you want him along<br>CGC: NOT YOU DUMP4SS  
>CUS: You are the first Homestuck character we've seen!<br>CGC: 4LR1GHT TH3N TH1S 1S TH3 WRONG PL4C3  
>CGC: SORRY FOR BOTH3R1NG 1NNOC3NT HOM3STUCK F4NS<br>CGC: (you 4r3 so gu1lty th4t you dont 3v3n h4v3 th3 sl1ght3st 1d34)  
>CGC: BY3<br>CGC ceased responding to memo.  
>CDN: ok now that terezis gone<br>CDN: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT  
>CUS: Don't ask me...<br>CDN: youre kinda the only witness  
>CUS: Now you're using Tezzy words and...<br>CDN: sorry  
>CDN: see the point is..<br>CDN: there is no way she could have found the memo  
>CUS: Yes, there is!<br>CDN: how?  
>CUS: All the memos are publicly listed!<br>CUS: We always see strangers that weren't part of the deal.  
>CDN: that settles<br>CDN: so  
>CDN: how was your day?<br>CURRENT aperturescienceBusinessmagnet [CAB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
>CAB: First the beta kids and now this<br>CAB: It's just too predictable  
>CAB: Hi, by the way<br>CDN: hello  
>CUS: You mean you seen the beta kids?<br>CAB: Um, yeah  
>CDN: they did come here earlier<br>CDN: that's what your saying  
>CAB: Yes!<br>CAB: Unbelievable  
>CDN: whatd they say<br>CAB: They kept being convinced they're the real deal  
>CAB: But besides that, I didn't get anything in particular from them<br>CAB: But come on, it's so obvious  
>CAB: Does the date when I met them ring any bells?<br>CAB: April 14, 2016?  
>CUS: Yesterday?<br>CUS: What are you suggest happened yesterday?  
>CAB: How about a load of this<br>CAB: https: www. fanfiction. net s/10726027/18/Calliope-on-the-Update-Gravestone-Book-One  
>CAB: I just...<br>CAB: It's so obvious it's not even funny  
>CDN: so we *are* in a calliope on the update gravestone situation<br>CAB: Except with an actual Homestuck fandom  
>CAB: That story would be so good, I almost wrote that instead of what we have now<br>CUS: Oh my god...  
>CAB: Precisely<br>CAB: The evidence was right under our noses  
>CAB: How did I not realize it earlier<br>CAB: I should have expected it right then and there  
>CAB: I feel like such an idiot<br>CDN: wait wait wait  
>CDN: hold on.<br>CAB: What?  
>CDN: you never call yourself an idiot..<br>CDN: you are always a bloody genius  
>CUS: *And* you don't use question marks...<br>CDN: or ellipses  
>CDN: or shoutpoles<br>CUS: Shoutpoles?  
>CDN: cant remember the real term<br>CDN: the ! things  
>CUS: Oh, exclamation marks!<br>CDN: that  
>CAB: Everything's fine!<br>CAB: You're just overreacting.  
>CDN: ecaxtly what someone who has everything with them wrong would say.<br>CUS: Are you possessed?  
>CUS: That's the only way, I mean...<br>CDN: actaully i wouldnt be surprised.  
>CDN: i mean if the homestuck characters are real<br>CDN: and some of them have powers  
>CDN: who could it be though..<br>CUS: I don't know, who can control minds?  
>CUS: Is it Vriska?<br>CAB: Let me remind you that Vriska's mind control can only put people to sleep.  
>CUS: Someone more powerful, then...<br>CDN: well it mostly is kids and trolls and cherubim  
>CDN: idk honestly..<br>CDN: i mean if caliborn could then wed be dead  
>CUS: Caliborn can't even draw!<br>CUS: Common.  
>CDN: yeah but lord english..<br>CUS: Has minions that do things for him...  
>CDN: oh yeah..<br>CDN: is it the condense?  
>CDN: shes a troll and very technically alive<br>CDN: least in the update gravestone universe  
>CAB: OBEY.<br>CUS: Wow...  
>CDN: that answers it<p> 


	7. April 15, 2016 - II

CAB: Indeed, you have deciphered the mystery.  
>CAB: As of approximately an hour ago, I am now serving Her Imperious Condescension, owner of the Betty Crocker and Little Debbie brands and an elected "Best Empress of Alternia" for 413,612 consecutive solar sweeps, on her quest to take over the Earth.<br>CAB: In fact, you might recognize the transfer of allegiance as an action within Homestuck known as "going Crockertier".  
>CAB: Any questions?<br>CDN: crockertier derives from godtier  
>CDN: since your not a godtier you cant be a crockertier.<br>CAB: Not a question, but alright.  
>CAB: Your statement derives from the false implication that the aforementioned transformation can only take place within the body of a fully realized Maid of Life.<br>CDN: not necesarrily maid of  
>CDN: er jane<br>CUS: The word "tier".  
>CUS: You can just call yourself a Crocker!<br>CAB: I never said that I, in particular, have gone Crockertier.  
>CAB: I just added the comparative remark so you have a point of perspective from which you can build your expectations.<br>CDN: fuck he's taking sentences literally  
>CDN: again.<br>CUS: Again...  
>CUS: Dammit!<br>CDN: also whats comparative?  
>CUS: Don't ask me...<br>CAB: Now that this non-question has been processed, will any actual inquiries follow?  
>CUS: Hang on while I find out what you meant...<br>CAB: Ah. It seems that you were accustomed to a reality where I would deliberately simplify complicated matters for non-native English speakers, while failing to recognize that I, myself, am not from a country with English-speaking traditions.  
>CDN: damn you typed that pretty fast.<br>CAB: My typing speed, or thought speed, is literally nothing to worry about. It is expected for someone of the equivalent computing capacity of the unreleased Betty Crocker's Unreal Heiress Thoughtwave Tiaratop.  
>CUS: No, but seriously, some reducing would be useful...<br>CAB: Only when you have actual interrogative sentences.  
>CAB: I mean questions.<br>CAB: Are you satisfied with the new/old manner of speech?  
>CDN: slightly better.<br>CUS: Alright, so the Condense is real...  
>CAB: You will not mock Her Imperious Condescension by calling her "the Condense".<br>CAB: If you wish to employ a shorthand form of the Alternian empress's name, you will at least do it properly, as in:  
>CAB: The Condesce.<br>CAB: Second-to-last letter is a C, third-to-last letter is an S.  
>CAB: Got it?<br>CDN: wow..  
>CDN: crocker asbm is sucky asbm<br>CUS: That was a reference to Grimbark Jade, not Crockertier Jane...  
>CDN: pfft<br>CDN: miss homestuck trivia master pants  
>CUS: Not funny!<br>CDN: hey since crockertier jane is our fanfic writer..  
>CDN: whos grimbark jade?<br>CAB: That role has been filled in by Becquerel the omnipoterrier, a being that serves the role of the First Guardian of the Earth, and thus, by extension, the B universe.  
>CDN: no way<br>CDN: becs not even sentient how can he serve  
>CUS: Actually, don't you think that an animal would be easier to control?<br>CDN: sorry  
>CAB: Questions only, please.<br>CUS: If the Condesce...  
>CUS: Is that right?<br>CAB: Yes.  
>CUS: If the Condesce is real, why didn't she make Earth a hellhole already?<br>CAB: The full enactment of the Alternian empress's plans requires technology that is currently not available, seeing as an interloper has completely erased it from the existential timeline of the B universe as of 413 million years ago.  
>CAB: Luckily for her, she and her newly acquired subordinates are resolving to re-acquire the lost technology, with which her goals might actually proceed.<br>CDN: interloper?  
>CAB: You might recognize him as the author of a webcomic that you are currently fans of, as I was, once.<br>CAB: However, this time has since then passed away, and my current interest in the pictorial document is purely methodical and academical.  
>CUS: Hussie dude?!<br>CAB: Indeed, Andrew Hussie is the person's name.  
>CAB: In addition to being the supposed "conjure[r of the] intrepid fantasyscape" that you know, he is also the manifestation of the cancer that was given to this universe.<br>CAB: If you assume that this universe is a living being, which it indisputably is, the cancer would be analogous to the universe losing its reproductive capabilities.  
>CDN: that is so wrong.<br>CAB: Do not interrupt me.  
>CDN: everyone knows the cancer is bec noir.<br>CAB: That is mere trivia of Homestuck.  
>CAB: Unfortunately, due to the creative liberties taken by Andrew Hussie, the credibility of Homestuck cannot be trusted in its fullest.<br>CAB: In particular, even the fundamental assumptions about this universe's nature are wrong.  
>CUS: So much red text...<br>CUS: I don't think anyone uses that much red text so copiously...  
>CDN: have you tried dave<br>CDN: or kankri  
>CDN: or arquius<br>CDN: or y'know..  
>CDN: crockertier jane? ?<br>CUS: Sorry!  
>CAB: What did I say about not interrupting me?<br>CDN: oh come on  
>CDN: at least let us talk!<br>CAB: Can't you act at least a little scared and submissive?  
>CUS: We're still not convinced, though...<br>CDN: yeah youre pulling your rp baloney.  
>CDN: how can you prove youre not? ?<br>CDN: especially since you are still yourself rather than a hs character  
>CAB: Didn't we agree not to participate in roleplay, though?<br>CAB: Exactly one year, forty-one day, three hours, fourteen minutes ago?  
>CDN: ok theres no way you just looked that up<br>CAB: Sure did.  
>CAB: Such trivial tasks require less than a millisecond for me.<br>CAB: Did you already forget my superior computing capabilities?  
>CUS: Sorry!<br>CUS: We're total convinced.  
>CUS: Everything's sorted now...<br>CUS: (I so wish I could play games on your brand of console.)  
>CDN: how do you hook up a screen to a human genius? ?<br>CAB: And I am "total convinced" [sic] that I cannot fathom little children at all.  
>CAB: Judging by your continued inanity, I have determined that you will not serve a role in my plan, and this entire conversation was merely enacted by a part of me that used to care about you.<br>CAB: I will be interrogating Feferi.  
>CAB ceased responding to memo.<br>CDN: wow..  
>CDN: just leave like that wo so much as a goodbye  
>CUS: I have a feeling we're in some sort of major story...<p> 


End file.
